“99 Words For Boobs” by Robert Lund (Parody of “99 Luftballoons” by Nena)

Sun’s out, jugs out. It’s that time of year. The laddies are letting them show. Celebrate the summer blooms with Robert Lund. He’s the nutty creator of this track.

According to discogs, this track has been released on three different compilations. These are The FuMP Volume 2, Dr. Demento’s Basement Tapes 16, and The Best Of Robert Lund.

I hope to get a copy of that best of on CD at some point. We love Robert’s parodies!

A number of people have created slideshow-style music videos for this song. You can find them on YouTube but they are all age-restricted. Here is an example.

I found the lyrics too. Go ahead and count the synonyms. See if there are really 99.

Jugs and orbs and darts and gourds
Elmer Fudds and bouncing Buddhas
Sweater stretchers, lung protectors
Beach umbrellas, frost detectors
Scooby Snacks and snake-eyes dice
Jell-o molds and high-beam lights
Every day I probably use
99 words for boobs
Humpty Dumplings, Hardy Boys
Double lattes, Ode to Joys
Hooters, shooters, physics tutors
Bobbsey Twins and bald commuters
MRE’s and PFD’s
Snow-white dwarfs, Picasso cubes
99 words for boobs
Gerber servers, holy grails
Whoopee cushions, humpback whales
Flying saucers, traffic stoppers
Super Big Gulps, Double Whoppers
Pillows, billows, Don DeLillos
Soft-serve cones and armadillos
Pimped-out hubcaps, inner tubes
99 words for boobs
Midget earmuffs, warming globes
Strobes and probes and frontal lobes
Knockers, honkers, knicker bonkers
Smurfs and Screaming Yellow Zonkers
Tannin’ cannons, Mister Bigs
Big bad wolves and Porky Pigs
Jogging partners, saline noobs
99 words for boobs
Two-point jumpers, Bambi’s Thumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rutabagas, Chi Omegas
Schwag the showgirls show in Vegas
Congo bongos, bowling pins
Fast-pitch softballs, siamese twins
Your claims I’m breast-obsessed are true
We’re quite a pair ’cause I’m a boob too

Did the song forget to mention a certain word? Do you use a unique word for boobs? My grandma used to call them “chi-chis”. Let us know what you call them in the comments.

-Wacky Alex

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